his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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