One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
