I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
