When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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