Plan B is the new Plan A
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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