Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
