Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
