i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
We smell like vodka and hangover
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