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• (615): View more from Tennessee

  yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.

  (702): View more from Nevada

  Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??

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• (815): View more from Illinois

  Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me

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• (952): View more from Minnesota

  I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.

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• (805): View more from California

  He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex

  (949): View more from California

  How do you have pretend sex?

  (805): View more from California

  It was bad...so it was pretend

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• (973): View more from New Jersey

  I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.

  (1-973): View more from New Jersey

  Guess she heard her killer coming

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• (214): View more from Texas

  Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.

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• (360): View more from Washington

  My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.

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• (714): View more from California

  my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.

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• (586): View more from Michigan

  yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked

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• (970): View more from Colorado

  I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.

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• (707): View more from California

  starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.

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• (907): View more from Alaska

  Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.

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• (719): View more from Colorado

  Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids

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• (781): View more from Massachusetts

  what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Urinating on unicorns

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• (615): View more from Tennessee

  What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?

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