i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
