already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
