At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
