So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
