You smell like stripper and shame
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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