C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
