u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
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His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
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you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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