he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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