haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
