Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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