Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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