She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
