Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Randomize
