I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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