its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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