I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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