I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
