6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
All I want is dick and wine.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
