we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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