we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
