after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
