I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
