I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Randomize
