why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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