Life is so much better after having sex.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
