I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I think my moral compass just broke
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
