I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
