Porn is love you can see.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
