So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
