Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
