It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I don't want my vagina anymore.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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