we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
