so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
