i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
