so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
only if we run a train.
done.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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