thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
