Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
