There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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