what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
