he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
