Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Randomize
