there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
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