the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Randomize
