Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
