I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
