why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
