I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Randomize
