Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
