how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
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He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
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Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
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