There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
