so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Come see our sink grown plant.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
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Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
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But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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