She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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