I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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