Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
