After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
