i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
