so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
