I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize