YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
