piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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