Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
