Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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