she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
