remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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