We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
