Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
