Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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