quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
