I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
That accounts for only three of the penises
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Randomize
