you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
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