Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
